How to Improve Your Communication Skills
Here at The Charisma Rules, we are all about learning the skill of being more charismatic and a huge part of that is developing your interpersonal communication skills and learning the art of effective communication.
One of the best ways you can learn how to improve your communication skills is by focusing on paying everyone someone attention when you are in a social environment.
Now when I say, “Pay everyone some attention”, I’m not necessarily talking about people you don’t know or haven’t met before. I’m talking about the people that you do know and already have a relationship with, although of course you can practice this with anyone you like really.
The best way I can illustrate my point is with an anecdote which took place about a year ago.
I was having dinner at a friend’s house and we started talking about a BBQ we’d both been to the previous weekend. One of our other friends, Pete had been there. Now Pete is the kind of guy that just seems to be larger than life.
He’s an ebullient character that really makes the most out of life. Although he doesn’t quite ooze charisma like one of my other friends Simon does, he has certain charismatic qualities that I admire and often try to emulate myself. He’s the kind of guys that everyone gravitates towards when he enters the room for the first time. Both my friend and I have a lot of time for Pete, and we enjoy being in his company.
What I found interesting that night though was that my friend’s wife Kim made the comment that she had always felt that Pete never made any time or effort with her, and to be quite honest she never really knew where she stood with him.
Now I can assure you, after knowing Pete for many years, he is just too nice a guy to have any sort of issue with Kim. In-fact, he doesn’t really know her well enough to have any hang-ups with her at all.
I assured her she was wrong, and that any insecurity she had was unwarranted. After all, Pete was the nicest guy anyone could meet.
But after some further discussion Kim she said she felt that Pete never really took the time to speak to her whenever they were in a social situation. She said he was always friendly and amicable, but he seemed to move towards “other” people in a social situation, but never her.
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I found this very interesting. Being good friends with Pete, I guess I was one of the people that he tended to gravitate towards instead of her, so I have never had the problem of him not paying me any attention. To be honest, I’d never noticed him not paying Kim or anyone else attention for that matter, but I had experienced a similar issue with other people before in the past.
Whether or not they had done it intentionally I’m not sure, but I had certainly experienced occasions where I felt that someone wasn’t making an effort with me at all. I remembered how it made me feel.
In fact, after Kim brought it up, I realized that I too was guilty of this crime. In fact we all are. It doesn’t matter which people are at a particular party or gathering, there will always be people that you know better, or enjoy spending time with more.
This is only natural.
The problem with this though, is that we then tend to spend most of our time with them and quite often don’t pay anyone else any attention. Looking back, I can think of a number of these occasions where I too have gravitated towards a group of people I like, without bothering to pay anyone else that I know there any attention.
This thought struck me like a ton of bricks. When I got home that night, I scribbled all this down in my charisma black book, and it’s since been a vital cog in my charisma wheel as I attempt to work on my communication skills and become more charismastic.
I never truly realized the power of making the effort to talk to everyone until that day. I had no idea anyone could feel that way about Pete, yet Kim did.
Next time you’re at a social gathering or party, don’t underestimate the power of making an effort to spend a small portion of your time with everyone you know. If Pete knew this, he would have had Kim eating out of his hand like everyone else does. All he had to do was spend 2 minutes with her and find out how she was, what was new in her life, how her week had been.
It doesn’t take much effort, but it can make all the difference and by doing this you will sky rocket your interpersonal communication skills and therefore your charisma.
Improving Your Communication Skills is Easy...
So How Do I Use This Charisma Rule?
Learning how to build effective communication skills is really easy when you have a plan. When I have an upcoming social gathering I have the habit of thinking about who will be there that I know.
I then think of a few conversation points I can raise with each of them. This ensures that they are fresh in my mind, and when I see these people I remember to wander over to them to say “Hi”.
For example last weekend I went to a birthday party at a friend’s house, and I knew one of my friend’s wives would be there. I also knew she had recently changed jobs, so I made a note beforehand to find the time to ask her how it was going.
When we arrived, I naturally greeted her, as I did everyone else, but later in the day when she walked past a group of people I was standing with, I lent over and stopped her by gently grabbing her arm and said “How’s the new job going, I bet you’re crushing it!”
Her face lit up with a bright beaming smile and she said “Very well thanks, thanks for asking”. We then chatted for a few minutes before she moved on her way.
People will always notice these kinds of gestures. They might sound simple and they’re very easy to take for granted, but don’t underestimate the power of them. I can guarantee you that in her eyes, she saw me as a thoughtful and caring person that day.
That simple question was probably one of the highlights of her day. She hadn’t mentioned her job all afternoon to anyone, and I hadn’t seen her for a couple of weeks, yet I still managed to ask her about it.
It’s the small things that make you stand out to people and it’s these small things that make you memorable.
Charisma Exercise for Effective Communication Skills
Your challenge is to make an effort to spend a few minutes talking to everyone you already know at your next social gathering.
Of course you will want to chat to new people you haven’t met as well, as outlined above, but the focus of this exercise it to really concentrate on the people you already know and to give them your attention.
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Here at The Charisma Rules, we're all about learning how to be more charismatic. We also believe that charisma is a simple skill that anyone can learn, once they learn the rules...
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